| Q: What the hell?
Nixon: Exactly.
Q: What am I doing here?
Nixon: This is where you'll be spending eternity. Remember your columns describing me here?
Q: But that was tongue in cheek for your support of wage and price controls.
Nixon: Not so funny now. By the way, wait until you find out where you have to insert your tongue later.
Q: But why am I here?
Nixon: You know I was never big on the philosophical questions. You did, however, support wars that resulted in the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people. You were even calling for an invasion of Iraq in November 2001 using the fear of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks to justify it.
Q: But I put those words in your mouth.
Nixon: You weren't my speech writer any more. Remember this:
Q: Doesn't that mean war?
Nixon: Quick war, justified by Saddam's threat of germs and nukes and terrorist connections. We'd provide air cover and U.N. Security Council support in return for the Turks' setting up a friendly government in Baghdad. The freed Iraqis would start pumping their southern oil like mad and help us bust up OPEC for good.
That was incredibly irresponsible of you. Look how things shaped up in Afghanistan because the United States diverted resources from there. Didn't you pay attention during my administration at the unnecessary death and carnage caused by war? Didn't you see the films and photos? War is ugly and you treated it like a political game.
Q: I was a Villager. I should be treated differently and with diffidence. This isn't just.
Nixon: Death is the great equalizer. And what do you care about justice? You were saber rattling for an Iraq invasion before all the bodies were recovered from New York City. Remember when you wrote this?
Q: But what about punishing bin Laden in Afghanistan ?
Nixon: Change the flow of money and power in the Middle East and bin Laden and his boys will fall into our hands like rotten fruit. Just use this crisis to reshuffle the deck and break out of the trap.
Leapfrog "phase I" and there'll be no heavy allied casualties, no parades to stop the bombing, no Taliban, no germ scares.
Speaking of justice, we both have a lot to answer for and it looks like Lucifer is cranking up the heat.
Q: AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaa!
Nixon: AAAAAAAAaaaaaa! |
